Sex, Lies and VideoTape

There are few things more important than Honesty and Virtue. And in this modern world where even the darkest images are in bass relief, these basic values have never lost their strength.

As a kid, I remember harsh lessons in honesty and overcoming those butterflies in your belly as you walk up to an adult to apologize for say, picking a rose without permission, or grabbing that pack of gum without paying. My Mother didn't spare my feelings when making me or my siblings face our faults. Sure there were soft words and serious lessons afterward, but the traumatic experience itself was never sugar coated or rushed.

I think this is part of the reason later lessons where so easy to accept and include in my life later.  We try to make things easier for our children, but they already have it so much easier with modern technology. Sure, I had a computer as a kid, but not until 4th grade, and I only used it at school under supervision. We didn't have texting, or even cell phones. If we wanted to chat we walked up the street or sent actual paper letters.

But I'm not writing about how I walked to school uphill both ways in 4 feet of snow... I am trying to instill the importance of some basic lessons for my children and any readers that happen along.

I've talked before about Honesty. I even eluded to the importance of choosing a good core group of friends since a potential spouse is usually among them. But with today's modern contraptions making it so easy to give away our innocence with a click of an image or key, I wanted to write a bit on Virtue.

Today it is so easy to write a naughty line or post a compromising photo. It is so normal and common in our society that those that do not participate are branded prudes or some new term. Never let others presure you to do anything that makes you compromise who you are! Which sounds as simple as it is, but in reality it is only that simple if you know who you are!

Learn to listen to that inner voice. Slow down when you feel that push, buckle up when you get that feeling, and pause and think things through before acting if you ever get the feeling that you are about to do something you'll later regret.

Most of us are tattooed and pierced these days and even our most famous actors and artists loudly proclaim their disrespect for core values. Never follow a crowd. It is human nature to want to belong and 'fit in', but crowds seldom think before they run. With so many feet propelling them forward there is little time to look very far ahead. They may get lucky for awhile, but sooner than later those feet will find an impassable point and those in the front with get the crush or push first, the last may never even see where they are ending.

Make sense? Basically Never send personal information to anyone by unsecured means. Do not give away what is irreplaceable. And do not rush into judgements. (Whether you are trusting someone with your heart, your virginity, or your financial information, the concept is the same) Why is our society more protective of puppies than babies and Credit Card numbers before teens?

My children, do NOT allow yourself to be recorded or captured in compromising ways, do not lower your self worth for anyone, and never give away pieces of yourself.

Tempering the Nails

One of life's most repeated lie:

Sticks and stones may break may bones, but words will never hurt me."

When I was a little girl. My biggest obstacle to learning something new was my temper. I always assumed I got it from my Dad. But when I was grown and asked my dad how her learned to control his temper, he stated he never had trouble with it. Growing up without him in my life, maybe it was just childish frustration that made my temper burn hot and constantly at the surface.

I'm still learning to master that emotion, and I see my son struggling often with the same battle. So when I stumbled across this story, I felt it needed to be marked and remembered. If you have trouble with a short fuse, give this next passage room for change.

NAIL IN THE FENCE

There was a little boy who had a bad temper. His Father gave him a bag of nails and told him that every time he lost his temper, he must hammer a nail into the back of the fence.

The first day the boy drove 37 nails into the fence. Over the next few weeks, as he learned to control his anger, the number of nails hammered daily gradually dwindled down. He discovered it was easier to hold his temper than to drive those nails into the fence.

Finally, the day came when the boy didn't loose his temper at all. He told his father. The Father suggested that the boy now pull out one nail for each day he could hold his temper. The days passed, and the young boy was finally able to tell his father that all the nails were gone. the Father took his soon by the hand and led him to the fence.

He said, "You have done well, my son, but look at the holes in the fence. The fence will never be the same. When you say things in anger, they leave a scar just like this one. Remember... You can put a knife in a man and draw it out. It won't matter how often you say I'm sorry; the wound is still there. A verbal wound is as bad as a physical one."

Remember that when you ask to learn patience, the line before you will get longer... if you ask for understanding, your tasks will become more complex...and if you ask for help controlling your anger, you will be faced with the most annoying situations yet!

Life is a process. Every experience is a situation for change. How you react in each circumstance will affect more than just your outcome. Be gentle with each other and use your anger to fuel positive change and not to tear down others. Just as we are each unique, our tempers and anger are expressed differently as well. It's a constant choice to temper your anger, just be mindful of the ones that look up to you. They will model what they see until they are old enough to choose for themselves.

My quest for a present life brings this subject up often. I am always faced with situations that flare my anger, seeing through it and knowing that the cause is often unrelated has helped me. I hope this story will help someone else. Like the English used to say, "Keep Calm. And Cary On."

The Mayonnasie Jar

There may be many who have heard this story before, but it bears refreshing, and is something I want my children to understand completely.

Here it is as I read it:

"A professor stood before his philosophy class with a few items in front of him. When the class began, he wordlessly picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls.

He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed it was. The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook it lightly. the pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. He asked the students again if the jar was full, and they agreed it was.

The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up what space was left. He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with a unanimous "yes".

The professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the table and poured the contents into the jar, effectively filling the empty spaces between the sand. The students laughed.

"Now," said the professor, as the laughter subsided, "I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things - God, family, church, health, friends, and favorite passions - things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full.

The pebbles are the other things that matter, like your job, house, and car. The sand represents the small stuff."

"If you put the sand into the jar first," he continued, "there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you."

"So, pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Play with your children. Take time to get medical checkups. Take your partner out to dinner. Play another 18 holes of golf. There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposal. Take care of the golf balls first - the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand."

One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the coffee represented. The professor smiled, "I'm glad you asked. It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple of cups of coffee with a friend."

In closing: When things in your life seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours a day is not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar and 2 cups of coffee.