Creation or Alien Drop Off?

As always, the following is my opinion offered to inspire thought, not debate.

More of my thoughts on Aliens throughout History:

If you take the Bible as fact and God created everything, and you factor what we 'know' to what we 'understand' I think it leaves you with both as fact. I happen to believe that God created the Earth and all on it, and that it took him HIS six days. Which if you read the Bible you would know that His days are as thousands of years to us. Add to that interpretation difficulties and what exactly is involved in creating a living planet and you have eons of time just to start the earth forming and rotating.

In the first chapter of Genesis, "The Creation Story" says clearly, that he created male and female in his image. Yet in the second chapter he breathes "Life" into the man he crafted from the Earth and took a rib FROM HIM to create 'a' woman. Not THE woman, or FIRST woman, A Woman! hmmmm

Where I disagree with most theologians is that I happen to believe that these first 'men' and 'women' must have been amazing to survive in this evolving climate!  If time was so difficult to measure then, and if you take the first "let there be light" to mean revolutions and not just literally the sun, there was extreme weather happening on Earth!

Also, there were many children being born, and wives taken. If they were to survive they must have been a different gene pool. Those first men and women in God's image would supply that gene pool.

The only children/families the Bible really follows is those made from the Earth. And the ages of their deaths are spectacular but constantly decreasing. Another verse that intrigues me is that Adam and 'His wife' were never documented as conceiving until after their 'Fall' and being evicted from the Garden of Eden.

So is the Garden of Eden another planet, spaceship or a section of Earth? Was is the Lost City of Atlantis, blotted off the surface of the Earth, or removed by other means? The speculations have been limitless.

The real key to me is that the Bible is a book that depicts a complete story. And the beginning of THAT story is the true purpose of the explanation of creation at all. I mean, if you later say that Jesus was a direct descendant of Adam and a true son of Man AND God, you have to give the back story.

There has to be  reason that the first men and women are left out of the account and later wiped off the face of the Earth by flooding.

And what of the story of the Ark, what are the Nephilim? They are supposed to be Giants, super men. They were capable of spectacular feats, but overall God saw the evil they constantly thought and acted on, and sought to destroy them in the great flood. I agree with several others that God chose Noah because he was of a pure blood line, no commingling with the Naphilim and a direct descendant of Adam. And destroyed the others so that Jesus could be born of a virgin later as was His plan.

Supposedly Fake picture of a archeological find

These Nephilim are thought to be children produced by women being impregnated by angels. Then there are some that say these were not angels but aliens, which is part of the Ancient Astronaut theory. Regardless, the Bible mentions them twice, and each time they were gigantic.

While it could be amazing genetics, giants that would make others seem like grasshoppers, would be hard to imagine unless the supernatural or alien was involved. So we are a people constantly struggling with abstract ideas and wondering about 'beings' from outside our know world. 

I believe that there were Nephilim here on Earth and they fuel the Ancient Astronaut theory. Just as I believe God is helping us along, encouraging us, but allowing for freewill.

I think this freewill in itself is what causes our troubles. Our own freewill. 

It is our search for what we truly are, that creates these ideas of alien visits. We all carry our own ideas and interpretations, so we evolve differently yet similarly in that we all go through the same quests at some point in our lives.

Study nature all around us, and we will see the very inspirations for what so many believe was Alien given. While I agree that may be possible, it is more probable that each civilization looked at what our very Earth had already modeled and perhaps had a divine inspiration.

But if it is true that ancient humans had to either be visited by aliens or helped by giants, what if those Nephilim were both?

What if they were once the physical beings that were documented and now seen as alien visits, and then were remanded to the ethereal form where they had less ability to interact and therefore affect our human existence. (Unless you believe they were given permission to test and torment until the final judgment) Which would say that they are what we consider evil spirits or demons and that hosts of them still reside with our God as Angels. (they are seen as good and able to show themselves on Earth to warn, guard, or aid us)

So while I do not think aliens are coming to attack us, I might believe that they were invented to explain the visits of the Nephilim through the ages.

What this leaves me with is a feeling of loss at the human spirit. While I believe that we are born to search for meaning and ultimately our maker, I find it sad that so many would rather believe what they are told and never find their own answers.

Is it really so much easier to do as your told?

And finally I find myself thinking would we be better off without religion. I find that faith is a necessity, at least in my life, but I have only ever been disillusioned by organized religion. To me the real problem is the organized part and not necessarily the religion part.

So, my motto for religion is to "work out your own salvation with fear and trembling". This simple scripture has been the backbone for my spiritual awareness. And when applied to the alien debate, I think it applies even more. Do not look to aliens for your source of salvation, look inward. It was in fact humans that created the works that even lead scientists to believe in other intelligent life, and if aided by Nephilim, they are still half human after all.

I believe the concept of good and evil are more than words or abstract notions. We could learn a lot from each other as religions. Taking what is common to all, and learning to put aside the power plays that have lead to such bloodshed in the past.

It is not meant for us to control one another with the knowledge, perhaps that is why the Naphilim were outcast to begin with. Their superiority complexes became too great and they were taught an eternal lesson.

I choose to live life fully and abundantly with love and generosity. I find it sad that too many would rather find ways to exploit and control instead of lift and aid.

In closing, I would say, live your life in a way that your children's children would be proud to claim you as their progenitor, and only add to yourself what is positive and encouraging. Use that brain but do not neglect your heart!

Hello Cosmos

I'm watching a Ancient Alien Theory show and as always love sci/fi and anything to do with Stargate. But with all the end of the world propaganda out there I feel compelled to weigh in on this debate.


So, the following is my opinion on life out there.


I believe that there is intelligent life out there. With that said, let me explain my theory, Gail's Theorem, if you will.

I am a firm believer in God and a lover of science. So my mind is way open to ideas of aliens and evolution. I'm always questing for knowledge and able to seriously consider ideas that are in direct conflict with my own.


Sentient in our very DNA is a connection with all life on Earth. I believe that we are all evolved from one source. The reason? Mammals look amazing similar in the first stages of life. Extreme close ups of our skin resemble the veining in leaves or the 'skin' of plants. The whole of life can be decreased down to very basic and similar properties.

We are all born with this innate knowledge that we are more than what we appear. This knowing propels us in our search for a higher power. Even Paul preached that we were "made to search for God" even though "He is not far from each one of us. For in Him we breathe, and move, and have our being." We are repeatedly called the 'children of God' in the Bible, and told that God lives in us.

I happen to believe that this Ancient Astronaut theory is just another form of this inner search for answers as to where we come from. We find it impossible to think that humans evolved with their knowledge on their own. They must have had help. They must have been helped by aliens or angels. But what we call alien, really means not from here, so aren't we all then alien?


It gets very confusing if you try to think your way through it. Where religion comes in, is that you go on faith and not knowledge. So maybe the real answer is the blending of the two. Take what you know to be true, and add what you feel to be right. That's what I try to acheive.


I know that there is something more than you and I, and I know that it connects and fuels us all. I know that it is loving and encourages a full loving life in us. And the whole purpose of the Bible's teaching is that we should 'love one another as God loved us'. And if God is seen as a loving parent by our own words...



I know if I saw my children heading toward disaster I would try to guide them a different way. But if we are but children, we are prone to misunderstandings and selfishness.


If it is possible for me to believe in the divine by Faith it would follow that I would believe in aliens. But the reason I believe in the divine so completely is that I feel it to be true. I feel it's rightness and it seems to whisper all around us. I have never seen or heard any alien story that fills me with this same feeling.


True it may be that I am reacting from what I was taught, but why do we believe in the invisible so much easier than we do even a tangible proof of alien? We experience the invisible more? More people believe in spirits and ghosts than those that do not doubt alien life.

We really don't know. But I believe in what I know to be true in my heart. And Faith plays a large part of that. There have been many beliefs that have been later proved and disproved. But if you really want to stay true to your belief you will compile whatever statistics and facts that support it and ignore the others, so proof is of little consequence.


I don't require proof to what I believe. I do not try to make everyone else believe it as fact. And I do not scoff at what others believe in their souls to be true. I try to grow and adapt and stay true to myself and what I believe is the ideal moral guide.


If you believe in alien encounters, why do you feel it so strongly? Is it that you know we are more? Or do you only believe that there is other intelligent life out there that is more advanced than we are as a human race? Aren't both those just another form of what I feel to be true anyway?

Looking for Love

One thing we recognize early on is the need for love and acceptance. Some of us struggle with 'Dad issues' and a feeling that we are out of balance, but just can't figure out why. It can make us feel inferior and awkward.

It is intensified if our impromptu replacement fathers are abusive or absent. Then add to that spiritual images for deities are almost always male and seen as Father's. What's a kid to do?

It is difficult then to see a God as a Father and loving. So we felt empty. Which leads us to make the mistake of starting a relationship before understanding what it is to love and be loved.

Not all single parent or blended families are imbalanced. But those that are, can leave us grasping for answers to questions we can't even fathom. Most of it becomes clear with patience and time if we are lucky.

My Story:

As a teen, I was obsessed with discovering the 'why' to everything. I was a dutiful note taker and the kind of student who asked for homework. I know, hate me later. So even on Sundays I was studying and writing everything down. My quest for answers and knowledge was intense. It was my purpose in life I guess. And I was undaunted and happy with my young quest.

It helped focus my attention away from negative influences and destructive habits, so my Mother never discouraged my rather unique approach to life. Just because she was a dedicated member of the Christian church didn't mean she forgot her heritage, and she taught me much about our Native American ancestors and their beliefs.

This fascinated me to no end. And you may laugh, but I would go on nature walks when I was sad and set with the trees deep in the forest near our home and listened to the stream, the deer, the leaves around me and quieted myself. I would imagine that all of nature truly was originated from ONE source and that the God I was taught to worship was the image of that ONE.

My quest was growing deep, but I still felt rather shallow. Like my roots just weren't quite planted. So I continued my notes and research.

I remember a Sunday with my pastor preaching the importance of finding our own answers. Reading the Bible for ourselves and not depending on any man/woman for our interpretations. He read how we were to "work out our own salvation with fear and trembling" (Philippians 2:12-13) And admonished us to pray and read for ourselves. I was impressed and something about it seemed right.

More than right. So I chose to analyze the Bible. I read the poetry of Solomon, but honestly didn't quite understand what the heck it was trying to say. So I switched to the 'Love chapter', 1 Corinthians 13, and started reading it like we were taught in High School Lit.

In this chapter we learn about the attributes of Love and why it is so important. It is the very essence of God and what we should strive to exemplify. I started conversations with my Spiritual Dad and would honestly tell 'Him' that I was trying but was quite frankly confused and angry. I couldn't grasp the concepts they preached about a family and a loving father for guidelines. And it made me feel very inferior and alone.

I can laugh when I think back now, but it all felt so heartbreaking at the time. I really felt like if I didn't figure it all out I was going to be lost forever. Teens put so much pressure on themselves sometimes.

So I looked around me and saw for the first time that I was looking for love in all the wrong places. I was trying to fit into what the object of my desire wanted most. Change me? No way! But I was changing myself for no good reason. I was allowing my search for love and acceptance to shape me. And that was unacceptable.

Maybe age and maturity helped a bit. But there are many predators out there that hunt the young and confused. I was quickly approaching adulthood and still didn't possess the answer I wanted.

So I gave up. Yep, that's what I did. Oh I might have called it enjoying life, or doing what I want for a change, or some other great name. But what I really did was give up my quest.

I started dating.

But that is where my story really begins...

Say it!

Complete the following phrase:

"It's not WHAT you say, it's..."

No doubt most of you are probably thinking, "it's HOW you say it". Right?

In communication, how you say something and your body language, while making the biggest impact, are still not as important as the hearer's perception.

Sad but true. Why sad? Because no matter how carefully you word a response, and even if you send it in written form so your expression, tone and posture are no long taken into consideration, you can still be drastically misunderstood.

Communication is an art! It takes practice and dedication like any other art form.

Sure, there are times when you will get by with relaxed and open dialogues for months on end. Your posture, tone and words are honest and taken as such. But first impressions, tense situations and confrontations are where you have to choose not only your words, but your every move carefully.

And even the best speaker can stumble if the receiver has already determined your meaning before you utter a single word. And since we are all so unique in our personal experiences, likes, dislikes and beliefs, perception is the most volatile and is extremely difficult to take into consideration.

When planning a speech, you need to research your audience, and try to get a feel for their perceptions and interests, but in life no one prepares you or warns you that words hold little weight in an actual conversation. Sure we hear how powerful words are, how they can be used as a weapon, used against us, and even set us free. But words used during a conversation will only go as far as the one hearing you will allow.

This doesn't mean we shouldn't try to choose our words carefully, it is however just to show you that no matter what you say sometimes, you can't get through to everyone.

Also think about it this way...

There is usually one or more people that really get under your skin. I mean they really know how to push your buttons! No matter what they say you tense up and wait for the zinger. Your perception of them has been tainted and no matter what they say you will view it through that haze.

Now try to imagine if your favorite speaker told you the exact same thing. Would you react differently? Maybe you would actually listen and not just hear the words spoken. How would you feel? No longer upset, but thoughtful, and just because the perception was not prejudiced by the speaker of the words.

I try to see things from many angles before I reach conclusions, but face facts, we all jump the gun and rush to judgment sometimes. It's human nature. It's part of survival instincts that will never be erased. And shouldn't!

But remember next time you grind your teeth when someone is about to speak to you, try to focus on the words more and let the perception be.

Letter to Benjamin

To know why I post these, read "Letters to my Children" first. The following is part of the letter I wrote for my son:

For Benjamin Lee Junior,

I love you my wonderful son! You are truly a joy and a blessing. You are so very much like your Momma! At times it was difficult to manage my temper and yours at the same time, but we got by. J You are so much more patient than me. You get that from your Daddy!

I was madly and deeply in love with you from the moment I felt your little life start to stir in my belly. I knew your name would have to be Benjamin Lee Junior, because the world needed another great man like your Dad.

Your Dad and I were very much in love always. From the moment we met. We both had been through relationships that were great, not so great and terrible. So we knew what a blessing we found in one another.

Life is a winding path, and all those dead ends and forks led us to each other and to you. So we could never regret any of it. You’ll learn to take the good with the bad and roll with it. A good man, like you, will be able to express emotions and think of the needs of his family above his own.

Take care with your heart, once broken it can heal irregularly. Surround yourself with friends that share your values and have your same ideals and goals. Your friends should be an encouragement and an enjoyment to you. Never remain in a negative relationship, even if it is your best friend.

If you must, tell them that you cannot continue to be around them if they are going to go down a destructive path. Pray for them always. But limit your time with them. This will keep you from following their mistakes, being blamed for their actions, and keep you surrounded by the kind of people you want your wife and children to emulate.

While it is true, that you don’t always choose who you fall in love with. You can limit your choices! That is why friendships become so important. They will direct you to your future wife in some way. It is always possible that one of your friends might be your future wife also.

Love should guide you in all your decisions. God IS love. So stay in his love and use it as the guidelines for all other relationships, decisions and actions. Talk to God as you would me or your Dad. Be respectful, honest and real. Be yourself. Speak plainly and expect an answer to be made available.

We have to work for our way in life. It is a daily struggle. Your actions must reflect who you want to present to God. Everything you do should be done as if it were to be presented to Him. Be excellent and never settle for mediocrity. Be the best you possible and always set the standard for others to follow whenever possible.

I say this not to add stress to your life. It should be a joy to achieve your best life. It is work, but some work can be fun. And even unrewarded deeds bring happiness in other ways. It really is better to give than to receive. That joy, once found, can never be taken away. The gift may break, corrode, and cease to be, but the joy from being the one that gave it and added to that happiness is eternal. It is also multiplying in nature. It will reward you many times over.

Never be in such a hurry that you cannot enjoy the small moments in life. This world is demanding. And value is placed on monetary gain and accumulation of wealth and possessions.

This is not the way it is supposed to be, but it is not possible to change it overnight. So instead be the change you want to see…Live your life the way you wish the world was and be that example for those who know no other way.

Spend time doing something you love. Cultivate your gift, be it art, music, medicine, engines… It is your gift to find. What makes your heart sing and your full being come alive? That is your gift.

1 Timothy 4:12

The Bible says “Let no man despise his youth.”  This is so true my son. Many will look down on beginners or the very young. They forget what is was like to be new or green at something. When you are successful, try to remember how you arrived there. Be helpful to those still learning, never allowing yourself to be made to feel naïve or stupid as you learn and grow.  You’ll get there. Always relax and enjoy the process as much as the end product.

I know that it was difficult for me when I wasn’t able to finish a project or complete something to MY standard. Sometimes it just isn’t possible. Learn to work efficiently and be able to walk away when needed. Life is full of stressors. Try to limit adding to them.

Be honest always. Remember that allowing someone to believe a lie is the same as telling one. Value those who are honest with you. Try to be the kind of man that is easy to talk to and appreciative of the truth even when it is uncomfortable to hear.

The saying about “Don’t kill the messenger” is a good one. Try to deliver harsh truths with care so you can maintain relationships. And when it is your turn to hear a truth that is difficult for you to believe at first or painful to believe, take some time to process it. Don’t respond from anger. Take a moment or two, or as long as you need before your response will be kind to the messenger.

Look after your family. When you are young, protect your sister, stand up for her and let your actions reflect your love and care for her. Honor your parents and your elders. Speak respectfully and with purpose.

When you find the woman that will be your wife, devote yourself completely to her. Make sure to choose a virtuous woman. And be sure that you are ready to be completely committed both to her and for her. Marriage is a commitment not a contract. There is no leaving due to differences later.

The woman you choose should love you completely in return. Ask the questions you need to ensure that you both share the same ideals and goals. Know yourself and your potential spouse. The greatest lie we tell is often the marriage vows told before we really know who we are.

Once you find your wife, let your every thought and action be for her and then for your children, your God and your family and friends. Provide for them, but be present for them too. Never be too busy, too tired, or too distracted when you are at home. There will be times when you cannot help it. But make those times the rare exceptions and not the rule.

Welcome one another with a smile, kisses, affection and sincerity. Always. Every time. Even if you are mad, sad or busy.

Make time to enjoy life. Share it with those that matter most. Do not spend time worrying about those that don’t. And trust that God is able to comfort and guide if you let Him.

You tend to be a thinker like your Mom. Try not to over think. Life is random. It will be what it will, no matter how much we plan and dream and think.

Know that there is nothing you can do that would remove my love for you. There is nothing you cannot ask your Father or your God. And if you obtain great power in this world, share it wisely and be kind. Know yourself and what you know to be true and maintain a life that will not allow your values to be corrupted or altered for money, power, fame or even love.

I believe that true love will not try to alter or remove anything. It will only add. You SHARE your life, heart and love with others. Never give anyone the reins to your life. Part of being an exceptional man means knowing when to share, when to take charge, and when to follow. It is a learning process. We all stumble with this, so learn to forgive yourself instead of punishing yourself.

I love you more than words. It has been a joy to have known you!

I love you always!

Mom

Letter to Abbie

The following is part of the letter to my daughter, Abigail Rose, who is now only two years old. It is my sincere hope that I will be always be there for her and will be the one holding her hand through all her life events offering advice as it is required. But just in case, here is what I wanted my little angel to take to heart:

  My darling daughter,

I wanted you to know a few things about and from your Mom. First, I love you very much! I am so proud of how independent and unique you are!

You father is a great man! Very caring and a rare specimen in that he is sharing with both his emotions and words! I sincerely hope that you find a man like him for your husband. Someone that deserves your heart!! Someone that will always put you first and make you feel like his pride and joy.

Stand proud and don’t let anyone try to change you or make you feel less. You are responsible for your heart. Guard it but keep it open to new relationships. 

Friendships are perhaps the trickiest of all. You will have close friends as a girl that you will scarcely remember as a young adult. And the BFFs you gather in your teens will be a distant memory in your adult life.

Maybe you’ll find a pen pal or relative to write often. I think it’s a great exercise for a young writer. I loved writing letters and short stories in school! I still have many of the fantastical letters that my friend Mary and I wrote to each other. We were queens in our own minds and the center of a fantasy story created by our favorite books at the time.

Stay flexible and try to be the kind of friend you would love to have! Show yourself friendly and you will never be short in friends! And don’t overlook the unpopular. Stand for your friends no matter who they are! And try to choose them for their honesty,  their strength in character and their humor. You’ll have less painful drama and much more laughs this way. Don’t just choose those most like you, gather friends from all backgrounds and see yourself grow!

Also remember that your loves and crushes will form from your friendships, so be extra careful about this. You cannot always help who your heart chooses, but you CAN give it choices! Surround yourself with potential and the choices will be positive ones.

Watch for manipulations. Some people love to see how they can affect others. Try not to be one of them! And I mean that in both ways. Never manipulate others, and try to get all the facts before you speak or act so that you are never manipulated.

I say these things from experience. So never think that if you fail, you disappoint me or your Dad. We have been there and made many mistakes. Nothing you do could ever separate you from my love! And I’m sure that your Dad agrees.

I love you always. I will look over you forever. And I look forward to greeting you when your time on earth is over. May it be very long and happy!

Make the most of your time. Enjoy the simple things like evenings around a fire, walks at dusk, and the smell after the rain. Keep your heart so close to God that the man that hunts it will have to know God intimately to find you! And stay close to God by reading the Bible for yourself, knowing your own mind, and searching for your own answers.

God and the meaning of your life doesn’t have to be understood, just embraced. Remember that when life gets the most confusing, to slow down and focus on simple truths. The big picture will refocus in time.

Remember that if you mistakenly give your heart to the wrong man, it is still yours to take back. And in true love, we SHARE ourselves, not give them away completely. That is the key difference and will mark a worthy relationship from a short term attraction.

Honor your family always but remember that once you marry that will all realign. You will have a new family and a much larger and complex extended one. Not everyone can be dealt with the same way. Learn diplomacy and how to adjust your words or actions to make others feel comfortable around you.

I say adjust, but not change. Never change who you are! Develop your strengths. Grow from experiences. And pursue your passions. Be true to yourself even when a husband and children take most of your time and start to redefine your life and passions.

Know who you are before you marry. Know what makes you happy, sad, angry and especially what makes your heart sing. For me it was always art, for others it may be cooking, flying, dancing even numbers. Whatever it is for you, know it and never let it get away from you.

Make time for yourself when your schedule starts to become crowded. Take pauses, spa days, whatever you enjoy that will get you quiet time. Maintain your calendar to your needs, then those around you.

You should always be thinking of your husband and children’s needs, but often this is natural for us gals. This is why I say this. Taking care of everyone else first is dangerous, it will exhaust you quickly. Just as in a failing aircraft, put your mask on first or you will not be able to help or save your family. 

Stay strong and focused by keeping to what defines you. Find ways to include those you love in it if possible. Share every part of you life when you can. It will only enrich it.

I love what a tender and beautiful soul you have! You make me proud to have a daughter named for me! (Abigail for my middle name Gail)

I love you!

Mom

Letters to my children

As I approached my surgery to remove a small brain tumor, my own mortality was much more real than ever before. I was lucky to be constantly distracted with appointments and moving. But on those long nights in which the pounding in my head kept me awake, my young children were my obsession.

I wanted to leave something for them in case I was unable to give them advice as they grew. Every thump and slice I felt in my head would compel me to start a list of what I wanted in the event of my death.

I chose my colors and built computer files for my favorite songs, pictures of my life, and people to call. I wanted my husband to have everything he would need easily since he had recently lost both his Maternal Grandmother and his Father. Both died suddenly after recovering from a major illness. 

His Grandmother survived a heart attack, but was done in by neglectful medical systems that ignored her raising clotting times and kept her on meds that were supposed to help her heal without risk of stroke. In truth her heart was so damaged that a few decades ago she would not have spoken another word or seen another day. But she did, and with our new knowledge might have made it if her brain had not hemorrhaged. It was as sudden as the first attack and shook us all.

She was our matriarch. The one lady you could count on to rally the troops when disaster struck the family. The prayer warrior that made everyone feel important and could make you feel like it was truly going to be alright by simply holding you and telling you it would be so.

She was sorely missed when his Dad had a sudden seizure just a month later. He was coming back from a several year battle following a massive stroke which crippled most of his left side and left him with more pain than independence. It was said more than once, "I wish Grandma was still here".

Hours stretched into days, but there was no more struggling for his Dad. The seizure was too long and too complete. His brain was not able to repair itself for life. There was just enough activity for him to be able to wink slightly as his final goodbyes. It was devastatingly sad, yet it was his wish to go.

Both of them wanted to live longer and to be with us, I do not doubt that. But I also feel they were ready, and wanted to leave pain and struggle behind finally.

There are all sorts of opinions on what awaits the human soul, but I do not doubt that there is in fact a human soul that lives on. What I believe, I will not voice yet, but I will say that nothing I believe or disbelieve makes loosing either of them less painful for me. It may make it easier to bear. This thinking of them as happy and pain free now as they wished, but that is all.

So, knowing that. You can see, maybe, why I was sobered to say the least, by the upcoming crainiotomy. They were making sure I knew it was a serious surgery and could have fatal outcomes. The tumor was small but up against the major vessel. Even a success for them (meaning I'm still breathing) could mean I was paralyzed or forever changed from a stroke.

I had no way of knowing if  I would ever again be able to talk, write or see my children. So I started typing up two letters as I had time and energy once settled into our new home. One for my four year old son and another for my two year old daughter.

I created a Living Will, naming my husband, then sister, as my voice and set down with my husband to make sure he knew my feelings and wishes. I did the same with my sister and Mother. I told my son, who was old enough to know a little, that Mommy was going to have her head fixed. He knew after all that I was plagued with headaches and slept a lot anyway. 

He asked me if they were going to fix me. I told him they were going to try and if they couldn't I would wait with Grandma and Papa for him. He smiled and said "With Jesus?", "Yes, exactly" I answered. 

I have long believed that honesty is the best policy, especially with children. So what else could I say? He took it better than I did of course. Children have this perfect balance they bring with them into this world. They just "know" that we are not permanent and nothing we have is ever truly ours. Maybe that's why at two they want to keep everything?

At any rate, I dried my eyes and starting writing. Paragraphs a day. Whatever I could get typed, I saved. And know, with all the 'End of the World' debates raging, I want to share them with you. Whoever you are.

I hope that they help you find an answer you are searching for, or find the strength you need to accept the ones you already found.

I believe in self discovery. So I hope you read them and take them for what they are, letters to my children, and nothing more. While I try to remain open minded, I do not intend to debate issues or defend my stance. I am simply sharing these letters for you to read or ignore. The choice is yours of course, but I hope you at least read them.

Closing Doors

Rule #2 in Action

Advice In The Real World:

So you may or may not have doors to close. To know for sure pause for a moment and think about 'regrets' and 'losses' you've experienced.

Did you move through all the steps to recover from each one?

Steps are:
1. Denial
2. Anger
3. Sadness
4. Acceptance
5. Contentment

You can do these steps all in a day or over several years. But they are almost always in that order and need to be completed before a door can shut.

When you reach the point where you can look back at a loss or regrettable situation and not feel an emotion associated with it. Then you have reached contentment and that door is shut.

I personally don't believe in locking doors. Even a painful occurrence made you who you are and can be looked back on to grow or to help someone else going through a similar situation. If that door was locked you would try to avoid it, and feel like something in you shouldn't be there. You may have reached a point where you have accepted it, but you have not learned to live with it, so you are stuck at step 4.

This is true for every loss, every hurt, and every missed opportunity you have.

And you have to go back to the ones that are still there locked up tight and go through these steps again. Either where you left off or from the first one again...before you can move on to be the happiest, healthiest, and most complete you possible.

So if you cry every time you see a white cat with green eyes because you lost your beloved pet. Work on ways to deal with that loss until you are able to see one and only remember how much you adored that pet, and no longer feel the pain of loss.

Of course most of our pains are much more serious in nature. And you may need to go to a counselor to help you get to that point for your life.

Make the appointment.

Make a list of what you want to move on from and close finally.

Start working toward that goal, and dream about how great that will feel when you can look back without fear, hatred, or bitterness.

Most of medical problems are linked to our emotions, so you will see that start to improve as well!

Get those doors closed. They are keeping someone or something great away from your life, and you are worth the effort it will take to move on.

Tell yourself "I'm worth it!" AND "My doors are closing!" Then make it happen.

Rule Number Two

Rule #2 Close Doors

Yeah I know....you've heard this so much it's old. But it's been pounded into your head for good reason! You cannot go forward if things are left undone.

Have you ever been in the middle of Walmart and thought, "Did I turn the coffee pot off?" Your mind is in a holding pattern trying to figure it out, and you aren't enjoying or even paying all that much attention the rest of the time. And then you rush home to make sure.

Yeah, you might have been overcharged by $1 or maybe nothing happened, but if this is how you live emotionally, it costs you a lot more.

Not being present in your own life is a terrible waste of happiness. There is always a bright spot in every day, if you see it. If you are so focused on the past that you can't you are missing out on so much that life has to offer. You probably feel disappointed with your life and hopeless about the outcome.

Most of us are unaware that we do this. Our subconscious mind is focusing all our energy and thoughts on anything but the present. In fact, most people with open doors have so many cobwebs that they spend quite a bit of their thoughts trying to forget or attempting NOT to think of the past.

This is were "IF" kills us.

The “what if's” of life can really weigh us down. They always seem harmless. And they usually make us feel pretty good during the actual thought..."If I had a million dollars..."

But they can trap us there. Like being stuck in virtual reality and the rest of the world is in true color. We live and breathe, but never even 'see' another human being because we are too busy dreaming.

Dreams can be good if they motivate us to achieve something greater. But when they are the fuel that gets us through the day, they become a weight dragging us down. We start to feel even more hopeless because the dreams are so out of proportion and our life seems very pale and boring next to them.

Dream. But as a tool to get you moving toward an obtainable goal.

Love. But love like you've never been hurt.
And that takes closing doors.

Practicing Honesty

In The Real World - Rule #1 in action...

An example of this is: You bang your head b/c you are in a hurry and didn't close the cabinet door. Your head hurts! You take a tylenol and lie down. You wake up feeling better and as you go to get a drink you bang your head again...you weren't looking. You didn't take the time to close that door. Damn. No tylenol this time, so you let it ache and try to ignore it. But now with your head throbbing you stumble into the bathroom and stump your big toe. "SOB" you say (or other explicative) and throw up your hands and go back to what you were doing.

Your pains eventually go away. You feel better. You've forgotten all about that and the next day you see the door is still hanging open on the cabinet. So you close it right?

You let yourself heal, you took action to treat and you took care of the problem. So do that in your personal life too!

Rule #1 Be Honest in Actions

Start by telling people what you REALLY think! Be bold and daring. It will feel wierd awesome and even naughty. You might have to use the edited version at work, but you get the idea.

When someone asks Hey do you like this shirt, and it's hideous...say hmm it’s not what I would have chosen, but what’s important is if you like it. Or when someone asks, "How are you today?" Try saying, better than yesterday. But, only if that is true. If you are worse than the previous day, say something like not so hot today, but maybe tomorrow will be better.

Stupid? It may seem that way. But you are enforcing positive ideas that are needed to get out of the funk!! AND being honest at the same time.

That goes for everything...

So it's the end of the month and bill collectors want to be your best friend no doubt. Calling you several times a day. When you can, answer them. Tell them you have no idea when you can pay, tell them whatever is true. Ask them if they offer any help, assistance, discounts or plans. Write it down. Make an arrangement you can actually manage. If you don't know, then just say that.

Avoidance only makes things worse...just be honest. They might still call, they might erase fees, they may even have a program that will help.
You have to ask though.

Start being honest all the time. If you don't want to do something don't say maybe, say no.

Make it a habit and start right away.

Rule Number One

Rule #1 Be Honest

That is perhaps the best and most difficult advice I can give you. Honesty is easily the most overlooked, forgotten, and under-appreciated thing we do, but it the most important.

Be honest with yourself first!

We are all guilty of taking on too much and finding ourselves wishing we hadn't later when it is too late. But those of us that find ourselves here permanently are not only lying to themselves, they are out of touch with who they are!

Why? Because their entire existence has been one long string of lies. When you lie to yourself constantly it becomes second nature. You no longer ignore that inner voice, you don't even hear it. You suffer the consequences, so you let it slide...because quite honestly those that lie to themselves that much just don't feel good about themselves period.

It starts as a defense mechanism to cope..."I'm fine, really, that's just a flesh wound, no no I don't need to have you here with me, it's ok, I'll be fine..."and on and on until you start to believe it. You feel better .... for awhile

Then you find yourself empty inside and start to self medicate. Either with food, meds, alcohol or whatever your mind tells you will numb the pain. (those are just the most common, not at all the complete list)

It all started because you were dishonest with your self and probably because your self value was destroyed. To get that back you have to start being honest. With yourself, and Everyone else too!

So Rule #1 is:
Be Honest

Start today, and don't stop. It will feel weird...you'll start getting the tingles of that inner voice back, and then you'll feel selfish...but don't stop. Just keep on being honest! You won't be the most popular, but you'll start to heal finally.