Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Letter to Abbie

The following is part of the letter to my daughter, Abigail Rose, who is now only two years old. It is my sincere hope that I will be always be there for her and will be the one holding her hand through all her life events offering advice as it is required. But just in case, here is what I wanted my little angel to take to heart:

  My darling daughter,
I wanted you to know a few things about and from your Mom. First, I love you very much! I am so proud of how independent and unique you are!

You father is a great man! Very caring and a rare specimen in that he is sharing with both his emotions and words! I sincerely hope that you find a man like him for your husband. Someone that deserves your heart!! Someone that will always put you first and make you feel like his pride and joy.

Stand proud and don’t let anyone try to change you or make you feel less. You are responsible for your heart. Guard it but keep it open to new relationships. 

Friendships are perhaps the trickiest of all. You will have close friends as a girl that you will scarcely remember as a young adult. And the BFFs you gather in your teens will be a distant memory in your adult life.

Maybe you’ll find a pen pal or relative to write often. I think it’s a great exercise for a young writer. I loved writing letters and short stories in school! I still have many of the fantastical letters that my friend Mary and I wrote to each other. We were queens in our own minds and the center of a fantasy story created by our favorite books at the time.

Stay flexible and try to be the kind of friend you would love to have! Show yourself friendly and you will never be short in friends! And don’t overlook the unpopular. Stand for your friends no matter who they are! And try to choose them for their honesty,  their strength in character and their humor. You’ll have less painful drama and much more laughs this way. Don’t just choose those most like you, gather friends from all backgrounds and see yourself grow!

Also remember that your loves and crushes will form from your friendships, so be extra careful about this. You cannot always help who your heart chooses, but you CAN give it choices! Surround yourself with potential and the choices will be positive ones.

Watch for manipulations. Some people love to see how they can affect others. Try not to be one of them! And I mean that in both ways. Never manipulate others, and try to get all the facts before you speak or act so that you are never manipulated.

I say these things from experience. So never think that if you fail, you disappoint me or your Dad. We have been there and made many mistakes. Nothing you do could ever separate you from my love! And I’m sure that your Dad agrees.

I love you always. I will look over you forever. And I look forward to greeting you when your time on earth is over. May it be very long and happy!

Make the most of your time. Enjoy the simple things like evenings around a fire, walks at dusk, and the smell after the rain. Keep your heart so close to God that the man that hunts it will have to know God intimately to find you! And stay close to God by reading the Bible for yourself, knowing your own mind, and searching for your own answers.

God and the meaning of your life doesn’t have to be understood, just embraced. Remember that when life gets the most confusing, to slow down and focus on simple truths. The big picture will refocus in time.

Remember that if you mistakenly give your heart to the wrong man, it is still yours to take back. And in true love, we SHARE ourselves, not give them away completely. That is the key difference and will mark a worthy relationship from a short term attraction.

Honor your family always but remember that once you marry that will all realign. You will have a new family and a much larger and complex extended one. Not everyone can be dealt with the same way. Learn diplomacy and how to adjust your words or actions to make others feel comfortable around you.

I say adjust, but not change. Never change who you are! Develop your strengths. Grow from experiences. And pursue your passions. Be true to yourself even when a husband and children take most of your time and start to redefine your life and passions.

Know who you are before you marry. Know what makes you happy, sad, angry and especially what makes your heart sing. For me it was always art, for others it may be cooking, flying, dancing even numbers. Whatever it is for you, know it and never let it get away from you.

Make time for yourself when your schedule starts to become crowded. Take pauses, spa days, whatever you enjoy that will get you quiet time. Maintain your calendar to your needs, then those around you.

You should always be thinking of your husband and children’s needs, but often this is natural for us gals. This is why I say this. Taking care of everyone else first is dangerous, it will exhaust you quickly. Just as in a failing aircraft, put your mask on first or you will not be able to help or save your family. 

Stay strong and focused by keeping to what defines you. Find ways to include those you love in it if possible. Share every part of you life when you can. It will only enrich it.

I love what a tender and beautiful soul you have! You make me proud to have a daughter named for me! (Abigail for my middle name Gail)

I love you!

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